“Hold on, I’m coming!” I shouted as I rounded the corner of the kitchen to make my way into the living room.

‘Rap rap rap,’ the incessant knocking continued at my apartment door.

“Geez… Hang on a sec,” I grumbled, twisting my fingers into the top of the white cotton bath-towel wrapped around my waist to better secure it to my dripping wet body.

I got to the door and peered through the peep-hole only to see a big, brown splotch staring back at me. Still hanging on to my towel, I undid the security latch and gently eased the door open.

“Oh, hey. Sorry, I was in the shower,” I said as I opened the door fully to reveal myself to the UPS delivery man standing on my stoop.

“No problem,” he responded, handing me the sophisticated little electronic touchpad they use. “Could you just sign here, please.”

As I took the light pen from him and squinted down toward the touchpad, I couldn’t help but look over the device and admire the lumpy bulge in the front of this delivery guy’s tight, little, brown shorts. God I love a man in uniform, I thought to myself as I scribbled my signature across the smooth, plastic face of the touchpad.

After finishing writing, I glanced up at the man’s face. He wasn’t terribly attractive, but he certainly had that ‘distinguished’ look. I figured him to be in his forties, with his long, drawn eyes and peppered gray five o’clock shadow. As I examined his tanned, weathered face, I noticed that he wasn’t looking at the little signature-cataloguing device he was holding out for me. Rather, he was staring directly at the front of my towel.

Slightly embarrassed, and somewhat intrigued, I returned the light pen to the thick, calloused fingers of his outstretched hand. “So, what’d I get?” I queried as he tucked the fancy little device into its leather holder on his belt.

“Couldn’t tell ya,” he responded as he handed me a shoebox-sized, brown, cardboard package. I knew good and well it was the Johnny Depp action figure I’d ordered from a movie memorabilia website, but I wasn’t quite ready to ‘fess up to that.

“Oh, so it’s a surprise!” I joked as I took the package from his hands. “Thanks a lot!”

He turned to head back to his big, ugly, square truck that was idling against the curb outside of the front of my townhouse apartment. I watched him as he went, taking particular notice of his huge, rock-hard calves; thick, muscular thighs; and big, round, volleyball-sized ass cheeks.

“Hey, sir,” I called out to him, not quite ready to let this stocky little man in uniform get away. “It’s so hot out today,” I continued as he turned to face me. “I realize you’re probably in a hurry, but could I at least invite you in for a glass of lemonade before you have to get out there and hit it again?”

He hesitated for a moment, looking back at his truck. Then he slumped his shoulders in a little bit of a shrug and responded, “Sure. Actually, a glass of lemonade sounds really nice.”

I stepped backward into my doorway, still holding my towel with one hand and my Edward Scissorhands toy in the other. Day-yumn, I thought to myself as I watched the bulging muscles of the top of his thigh flex and