I'm fifty-three now. Married, three kids, but my real life is comprised of momentary liaisons with other men, and younger guys. In the stories, it's all so easy. You're young, and some older guy (always great looking and in his early thirties, you're just 18) comes onto you for your first experience with cock sucking. Or your best friend, with a huge cock comes onto you, etc., etc. So easy. Like falling off a log. But in real life, it just ain't that easy. In real life, it's all fucked up. You want to suck cock, go to a gay bar, pick up some great looking guy, but you have a reputation to maintain, a career to pursue, and being found out as gay isn't going to help that. So, you're generally screwed. And, in my experience, when you're young and so deeply in the closet that you can't even see light through the crack of the door, the only opportunities you have to do what you really want aren't all that great.

Like being in the men's room at Grand Central Station, 18 years old, and getting hit on by an old fucker, and I mean old. And thinking, what the hell, letting him jerk you off, suck your cock for a bit. His cock, no matter how you stroke, it won't get hard. But, you know what, I jerked off to that encounter for a long time. Of course, in my fantasy things changed a bit, he wasn't in his sixties, but in his forties, and he fucked my ass too as I leaned against the stall wall. But even the reality, the truth was hot for me and even though the guy had never gotten hard, he did blow me right? I did feel a real, live cock, right? And, then, there was that time when I was twenty and at a party. A weedy looking guy tried to come onto me in the bathroom of the house at which the party was being held. He was drunk, or he would never have done it. His small, uncut cock in his hands and him trying to grope me. I didn't let him, but I did arrange to drive him home. I made him blow me in his apartment, and he was so drunk it seemed as if he was a zombie, but he did it. He almost passed out on me, and his cock wouldn't get hard either. He was shaved and had a tiny penis. But I took him in his ass with him on his back and shot a load up him. He didn't even remember me the next time I saw him. I often wondered what he thought had happened when he woke up the next morning, naked, with a sore ass. That was in my early twenties.

As I got older and married, the chances became even more rare, at least those chances I could take advantage of. Mostly they happened when I traveled, for I had more freedom then. I would actually visit gay bars, and if a guy showed interest in me at the hotel bar I bought him a drink to see if he really was or if he just wanted some conversation. I guess, over the past 25 years, I've averaged one man to man experience a year. Most of these, however, have been ones I would rather forget. The fact is that most older gay guys are weird, and the young studs always seem to want something from an older gay guy, usually money