This is a story that hasn’t been told to any of my friends or family. It is a story about my secret love affair with a Native American named "cub" (for safety reasons).

I was 9 years old when I first met him. Beautiful young Indian boy, with that James Dean rebel without a cause type personality. A total free spirit. My mother and father had just gotten a divorce, and I didn’t know anyone in the new town where we moved to. Cub was the first person that I met that liked me well enough to call me his friend. We use to chum around and would talk and do normal 9 year old stuff like play with toys and build forts and stuff like that.

We grew into teenagers together, staying in contact with one another sporadically. He would drift in and out of my life like the passing of a summer’s breeze. When I got my first boy friend he was there, and it just so happened that he too knew the guy that I was "dating" and had told him "you better treat him right..." though I didn’t find this out until many years later. Nor did I know that secretly he had a crush on me as well. It was a mutual friend who had told me this after he had left out of my life again.

Well, two years passed and I had not spoken to him or seen him. I was going through some pretty bad shit in that time. I had a steady girlfriend (yes I was still playing the part then) and we had just broken up, my family situation was going to hell, and I was in a very bad place in my life. Well true to his word ("when you need me most I'll be there")...yeah I know that it sounds like a fairy tale but I swear to the gods that it is true…he showed up.

When I saw him, I was in shock. I started crying and he came and wrapped his arms around me and held me. He brushed my hair back and looked me in the eyes and I said, "You were gone so long...where were you?" And he said, "I was lost until now..." Then he kissed me, and re-wrapped his arms around me. I could feel that warm fuzzy feeling deep down, like I belonged there with him. I had forgotten how it was to be held by him.

Later that night, we laid in the living room talking with the lights off, and the moon was shining in. It reflected off his dark olive skin, showing the slow repetitive movements of his breathing. He had been working out previous to us meeting back up, because his stomach was tight and firm. I laid there in a daze wondering what was going through his head, because the room had gone silent. I was longing to reach out and touch him; it all felt like a dream...a wonderful dream from which I didn’t want to wake up.

He looked at he with his dark blackish brown eyes and said, "What’s wrong?" I told him that I really had missed him and that I loved him; that he need not stay away for such long periods of time. He smiled and brushed my hair away from my eyes, and looked into them and said, "You needed me, that is why I came back..." I was taken back. "You really dont know how bad