Mind Yo’ Bizzness
By Chris Carr

9-05-06


This happened about a couple of months ago, around Thanksgiving, I think. Christmas was coming and I wanted to get my peeps… ok, my lady, a little something. Things wasn’t going so good with us, mainly because I kept fucking around, but that’s another story, so I took this chicken shit job, delivering shit for this little appliance store. Motha fucka’s tried to break my back, hauling washing machines and fuckin’ refrigerators all over town.

So, I was on this side of town with nice houses and trimmed lawns, ‘bout two or three days before Thanksgiving. I was pretty happy because, I was getting a check that week for my last two weeks work and it was going to be sweet.

It was cold enough to freeze ice cream out there, so I had my gloves on, trying to keep my hands warm. I was trying to get to this box, way the fuck in back of the truck and I had to move a bunch of other boxes. Before I knew it, a box slipped through my hands, falling off the truck with a loud crunch on the hard pavement.

Yo, I looked at that box and saw my whole Christmas, wrapped up in that one neat, mess. Jumped down out the truck, trying to see if maybe it was ok but it didn’t look good. I looked up and noticed this punk walking by, his nose all up in my business and I gave him a “get the fuck up outta my bizness,” look ‘cause I was really swoll. I picked the box up, still hoping shit wasn’t as bad as it looked, but then I heard rattling. Shit!

Ol’ man Reynolds’ going to take this out my check, I thought, kicking a tire. I looked at the box, trying to see the fuck was in this mug anyway and saw the address. Then I looked up at the address on the house and had to kick the tires again. Got-damnit! This was the box I’d been looking for.

Home freeze was still looking at me, his head peeking around the corner of the building. I was ‘bout to give him the what for, when he says,
“That my microwave?” 

Ok, remember what I said about fucking around? See, that’s the shit always messing it up with my ladys. I gots a little bit of a problem. On da real? I be getting ass, every now and then. Kind of what made this job fun, nahmean? Mo’ niggas be wantin’ to push up on this shit, they see me in this uniform.

Be gettin’ them quickies, like that time homey kept talking about Popsicles and how he like one when it’s hot. He was wearing a red silk robe that stopped right at his butt and nothing else. I’m wrestling with this big ass refrigerator of his, trying to cram it in that little cranny hole he had in his kitchen and he’s just going on ‘bout how hot it was and how happy he was gon’ be, soon as he could get him some “Popsicles”.

I finally got that thing in place and he pranced over to the door and pushes the ice maker. A cold cube plopped out and he rubbed it on his forehead, his eyes closed, I guess so I could look at him, then he moved it down on his chest. Yo, I didn’t have time for this but my