“Andy?” James voice came from the ether of reality.

“Huh?” I looked up. James stood next to me with a long narrow box in his hand.

“I found a new tooth brush you can have, since you hadn’t planned on spending the night. I got it from the dentist awhile back. And I put a clean set of sweat clothes in the bathroom for you to wear.”

“Oh.” I said meekly, swallowing a thick lump in my throat. Sometime during my schizophrenic mental battle he’d changed into loose fitting sweatpants and a tee shirt. The sleeves fit snugly around his firm biceps.

He looked quizzically at me. “Are you okay with this? I can sleep in the living room if you’re uncomfortable.” He put his hand on my shoulder; it felt like a branding iron.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.” I took the toothbrush and hurried to the bathroom.

While I scrubbed my teeth I thought, “Get a hold of your self dude. You’re straight, James is straight. Of course, he’s thirty four years old and never been married. And, he does have a penchant for physical contact that I find – provocative – no, just unusual for a guy. But he has to be straight. After all these years I certainly would have known.”

I felt heavy and slow as I went into the bedroom. The space heater was humming happily in the corner. James was already in bed, smiling up at me. I shut the door and the room became very, very small. Climbing timidly under the warm blankets, I lay as far from him as I could. Regardless of my personal trepidation I was grateful to be out of the frigid air.

“Damn it’s cold!” James exclaimed, shutting off the light on his nightstand. He pulled the blankets over his head. Under the covers our bodies slowly warmed the air.

Lying on my back I stared at the ceiling while my muscles tensed. My breath grew heavy and I wondered if James could hear my heart beat. I felt his warmth inches away and I wanted to be part of it. I wanted to get closer and feel his heat directly against me. Maybe I should have gone home. What would Tracy think of all this?

Just when I thought James had fallen asleep he said, “You know Andy, you’re my best friend.”

Was this how these things started when two guys were unsure of each other? Who was I kidding? I was the only one in the room thinking about it. James was straight.

“You’re my best friend too.” I muttered.

He continued, “You don’t know how much you mean to me. I mean your friendship. I always felt nobody could really like, or love, me, but you’ve always been so sweet; even back when I wasn’t nice to you.”

I sat up on my elbow trying to keep the blankets from falling. “When were you ever not nice to me? You’ve always been nice.”

“I ignored you a lot when I came over to visit.”

“You didn’t have much choice with her around.”

I heard him sigh in the dark. “I was afraid you wouldn’t like me