Thanks to Richard for the edit.


"This porch is really big," I said aloud to no one. I was sitting on the edge of my seat, a white plastic back yard chair that you could buy from any store in any town, anywhere. My arms rested on the railing of the big upstairs wrap-around porch. My back was comfortably slouched, as I lay my head on my folded arms. In my hands was a huge tumbler full of ice water. The sun was setting, and the glare from its brightness was going directly into my eyes. Everything had a yellowish tint to it, making it seem like the world, at that precise moment, was as perfect as it looked.

"I used to come out here a lot when I was young too," Dad said from behind me.


I look up from my arms, feeling groggy, and turned to watch as him walk from the sliding glass door, to the space next to me. Dad, who I had always seen as the perfect picture to what a man should be, was starting to seem hollow to me. It was odd watching him in this setting, in this house where he had grown up. I had seen him here a million times; I guess the odd part was we both knew that Grandma and Grandpa were not going to come out any second and demand quality time from us. They wouldn't ever be here to do that again.

"It's nice," I commented, then looked more closely at him. He was ageing before my eyes, and it scared me. I quickly looked away and back down to my hands. My water rushed around in the glass, making the ice tinkle against the edges. I tried to concentrate on that sound not wanting to break down in front of Dad.

"How are you holding up?"

"Well, besides the urge to knock the shit out of Wes, as well as can be expected," he nodded.

We were a nodding family, Mom, Dad, Wes, and I. I don't really know where it came from, but we seemed to always be nodding at everything. He moved his huge dark brown eyes down over the railing.

"When did they get a pool?"

"Mom didn't know about it either, so it can't be more then a year old, because she was out here last June," I said, but I was not sure if he was even listening. I felt helpless all of a sudden. Like there was something I should be saying or doing, but I was in the dark about what that was. I was in the dark about a lot of things most of the time. I was the baby, so it is a feeling you get used to.

People constantly trying to keep things from you so you do not get hurt, it was kind of nice sometimes, knowing that your family cared about your feelings that much, but other times it just plain sucked.

"Hmm," he supplied finally.

He patted my back before returning inside. My gaze followed him as he walked through the sliding glass door again. His tall thin frame was slouched, his eyes glued to the ground. I had never seen him look so defeated before, so utterly torn apart, but then again, this was the first time someone in his life had died. I wished there was something more I could do, but I knew