20 votes
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Vote: Total Votes: 20 |
| Poster | Thread |
|---|---|
| RandyGayTeen | Posted: 2008/8/29 7:31 Updated: 2008/8/29 7:31 |
Tease ![]() ![]() Joined: 2008/6/24 From: Ireland Posts: 25 |
hell man, it got me hard.
a few inacuraccies but so what. you wrote aa good story and i realise the e
ffort you must have put in.
if people want to have perfect writing they should write their own stuff.
well done and please write again
btw, i know i have never written a story but i read like a bitch so i know
what im talkin about
X
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| bardohio | Posted: 2008/3/20 3:45 Updated: 2008/3/20 3:48 |
Stuck on Sticky ![]() ![]() Joined: 2006/12/10 From: NE Ohio Posts: 658 |
...it does need some work but it's not hopeless. First 2 paragraphs are
good - 3rd paragraph not so good. Keep working on it. Nothing ventured/no
thing
gained...no pain/no gain.
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| Monrocsol | Posted: 2008/3/18 19:04 Updated: 2008/3/18 19:04 |
Virgin ![]() ![]() Joined: 2008/1/7 From: Posts: 1 |
Your story was not believable. Try again.
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| smoothnudedude | Posted: 2008/3/18 11:21 Updated: 2008/3/18 11:23 |
Virgin ![]() ![]() Joined: 2007/11/5 From: Posts: 13 |
Your story really needs work. It makes very little sense that a general man
ager would hit on one of his employees for a loan. If you initially offered
200.00 why up it to 700.00. Do you normally pay that much for sex? That s
eems really extreme, unless you are really well off.
If he has just fucked your mouth and cum on your face, why does he need to
turn around so you can put a condom on him? Isn't he facing you already? A
nyway, he enters you..but you
failed to mention that you lay down and threw your legs up..but you must ha
ve since you came on his chest...that would have been difficult if he had j
ust bent you over and entered you..as it seemed to have happened.
I suggest thinking your story line through carefully before putting it on p
aper..then read it over carefully a number of times ..or let someone else d
o it..to see if it makes sense before sending it in to be published.
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