I’ve never been with a guy. I’ve thought about it, quite a bit, actually. But I’ve always been too shy and afraid of what others would think to actually try anything with anyone.

I’ve actually never tried anything with anyone. Yeah, I’m a virgin. I have a lot of female friends. And girls are often attracted to me. Some have even come on to me from time to time, but I always just clam up and end up coming up with some bullshit excuse to leave. I think girls are beautiful, I find the shape of their body’s very attractive, aesthetically, but I just don’t get ‘turned on’ by them.

When I’m alone, and I touch myself, it’s always a man that I think of. His strong, long muscles, this thick arms and legs, his big, throbbing cock. I fantasize often about sucking cock. I wish sometimes that I could suck my own. Too bad I’m not that flexible. I bet it would feel great. To both give and to receive. To have some tight, warm mouth wrapped around my hard cock, slurping at my tip, rubbing my head with a forceful tongue while sucking my shaft down deep. Or, conversely, to have a big, hard dick in my mouth. Tasting its precum, working it over with my lips and tongue, moaning to send little vibrations through its shaft while I blow it. Yeah. I think about that a lot.

But since I’ve never come out, I don’t get to act on these fantasies. Recently, I’ve gotten involved online. It’s nice to have a ‘safe’ place to be yourself. I talk to guys. I’ve cybered. I jerk myself off in chat rooms while I read about other guys having their hands on my cock or their mouths sucking my member. It feels so good. But all it really does is make me crave the real thing even more than I already do.

I was worried that if I ever finally hooked up with another guy, that I wouldn’t be any good. A friend of mine in one of the chat rooms I frequent recommended that I get a dildo to practice with, so I’d be more confident handling a dick when the opportunity finally presented itself.

I was way too shy to go to the sex shop and pick one out, so I bought one online. It was shipped ‘discreetly’ to my apartment, so my neighbors wouldn’t see the package sitting out in front of my door and know immediately what it was.

I laughed a little at myself when I finally opened it. It looked a lot bigger online, but it was still a good size. About nine inches long and reasonably thick. I figured it was a good thing that I was practicing on one of modest size, instead of one of those giant double-ended man-rammer things I saw available.

The particular one I bought was pretty lifelike. It had a nice flexibility to it and a slight upward curve of the head. Oh, and it vibrated. That was probably the best part. I put the batteries in and clicked it on. It had variable speed, so I amused myself for quite some time spinning the little dial on the ‘balls’ to make it rev up and slow down.

Eventually, I managed to stop my giggles and I put it to my mouth. I sat in front of the mirror and watched myself as I tongued the head, lapping at the fake